AN: No Bundesliga and La Liga matches this week. They start on the 26 and 19 August 2016 respectively. Serie A starts on August 20, 2016, thank you!
Gary Lineaker in his boxers
He said he'd appear in his pants (that's what the English call underwear. 'Pants' or 'knickers') if Leicester won the title. A promise is a promise, so...
Premiere League
Hull City 2- 1 Leicester
Quick background re: Hull and the predicament it finds itself in. Steve Bruce walked away from the club because he couldn't get assurances. They only have a care taker manager and thirteen fit players and their most influential players (Huddlestone, Dawson, etc ) have been struck down by injuries. The owner is ill, and his son wants to sell the club. The fans hate the club's owners because of how poorly the club is run. Savvy?
Which is why Leicester going down was sweet. First time a PL champion has started on the League's opening day, and first time they've lost on their opening day
Mahrez got one point back from a penalty call. He wants to leave the club but the club have told him that he isn't going anywhere in this window. Supposedly linked to Arsenal and Chelsea
Burnley 0 - 1 Swansea City
Newly promoted side fell to Swansea
Nothing to see here, moving on. Speaking of moving on, stalwart Ashley Williams moved to Everton, and Ayew moved to West Ham in this window
Crystal Palace 0 - 1 West Bromwich Albion
Crystal Palace went into this match without a striker. Lost
Everton 1- 1 Tottenham Hotspur
Man, it's amazing what a good coach can do. Barkley played SO WELL yesterday. Now, if Koeman can take him in hand and shed the bulk which inhabited his play last season, we'd be well in. He did a beautiful set piece of a kick. Spurs' first 45 mins weren't much to crow about, but that's due to Everton just clogging up their works, keeping their shape. Koeman was a savvy buy by Everton. Him and the scout from Leicester
Lloris came off with injury
Dele Alli has decided to drop his surname on his match shirt and is doing a Memphis (Depay) and sticking to his first name. His half sister (supposedly) on Instagram blamed his (informally adopted) parents, the Hickfords for 'brainwashing' him. It seems to be an emotionally messy time for the lad, but everyone in the comms are going to call him Dele Alli anyway. His instagram and twitter have his surname
Spurs played better in the second half and Lamela saved the team from their manager's wrath, because he's been upset these past few months
Middlesbrough 1- 1 Stoke City
Negredo arrived in English football and marked his return with a goal!
Shaqiri was all, "Not yet!" as he did a beautiful volley into the goal. He can be magic at times
Valdes had to gather his defense together. Like.
Southampton 1- 1 Watford
Remind me, was Nathan Redmond formerly a Norwich player? Ta
Watford drew first blood
Soton fought back. First game for both clubs with their new managers
Manchester City 2- 1 Sunderland
Ain't no party like a Man City party
I didn't watch this match, but I heard Stones and Sterling were okay.
Didn't realise that Stones had all them tattoos
Silva has a new midfield role
Joe Hart got benched. Guardiola isn't convinced by his kicking/distribution
Scotland - Premiership
Dundee FC 1- 2 Rangers
There aren't good pictures, apologies in advance!
Aberdeen 0 - 0 Hearts
Supposedly, this was an ill tempered game? To the point where the ref had to have words with one of the coaches!
OP: done! Cheers, jeers, corrections and commentary pushback, you know the drill!