Lauren (blackjedii) wrote in ontd_football,
Lauren
blackjedii
ontd_football

BEEJ'S GUIDE TO EPL PT 2

sorry guys this may not be as good because I AM STILL SOBBING GIANT TEARS OF MASSIVE CRYING PAIN AND ALL

Let me again mention the money thing because unlike in say, Bundesliga which has a 50+1 rule, Premier League has sponsors and companies that "own" various clubs. This can be good and bad because if you have an owner with a deep pocket, you get all the spending sprees and players you want. It can go south though if an owner pulls out and leaves you in massive, massive debt. As an aside Manchester United is big enough now to have its own stock (ironically listed as MANU) and Liverpool is owned by the same folks that own the Boston Red Sox. This is important stuff folks - originally EPL was a much more homegrown enterprise with local clubs with lots of local history. And that is, to a degree, still true. But then you have teams like Hull City who have plans to completely overhaul a team and this includes the name, the colors, what have you. Rather dramatic stuff.


1) ARSENAL

Nickname: The Gunners, fans are called Gooners, the red London club (not to be confused with the blue London clubs)
FAMOUS PLAYERS: Crazy Jens Lehmann, Theo Walcott, Thierry Henry, Robin van Persie, Samir Nasri (a lot of players have come through Arsenal to other places it's kind of a Thing)
ALSO there was a wee little Gooner

who finally got to play and invited another pal of his

who then called up HIS bro

who may or may not be bringing in his best bud and heterosexual male partner


I am speaking of course about these derps:


KNOWN FOR: hoo boy.

they also have a live tracker counting since they last won a trophy (unfortunately there was a little bit of time where 'i walked down the street' was it)

Wenger has been Ash Ketchum tryin to catch Germans lately. Also like Germany Arsenal has been consistently within the top four to five teams and... has only lifted one trophy lately. Arsene Wenger is a big believer in youth systems so Arsenal is one of the rare EPL teams that churns out talent as opposed to just buying it. In fact, they're probably one of the better managed clubs financially.

WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT THEM: Gooner sounds like Goonie so that's pretty cool. More importantly Arsenal are a consistently good team, even without the big name players of some of their rivals.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SUPPORT THEM: One FA cup in recent years. Wow, wow Basti.
YOU SHOULD LIKE: Big boom-y cannons and Germans
YOU SHOULD HATE: The color blue, you can sometimes hate Wenger but you'll probably be better off with him than without

2) CHELSEA

Nickname: The Blues, The Pensioners, my personal name is DAMMIT CHELSEA WHY but that's just me
FAMOUS PLAYERS: The other two cornerstones of English football, John Terry and Frank Lampard. Ashley Cole, Didier Drogba (who dragged Chelsea kicking and screaming to their first Champions League title), Petr Čech, Michael Ballack

KNOWN FOR: Roman Abramovich is the owner - a Russian oil billionaire that is kind of like Veruca Salt in that when he wants something, he gets it. But in this case mostly what he wants are trophies and so-so Spanish strikers and Jose Mourinho. He also is very quick to rotate through managers the same way I rotate through revolving doors in a shopping mall and the recent victims have included Hiddink, Ancelotti, Villas-Boas, di Matteo, and Benitez. That's in the span of five years, mind.
They are also the team that beat Germans in penalties. That's like, one of the signs of Armageddon along with Fernando Torres coring lots of goals.

WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT THEM: It's not City or United or Arsenal and they finally have their CL star to fall back on. (Although IIRC, they accidentally dented the trophy oopsie). They will consistently finish high and if they don't, Roman will buy some players and coaches that CAN. And Dider Drogba and Michael Ballack really loved it there so there's that.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SUPPORT THEM: Who gives a shit about developing talent when you can just buy what you need?

YOU SHOULD LIKE: Blue, Mourinho, sugar daddies, lions
YOU SHOULD HATE: Anything that's not Chelsea

3) EVERTON

NICKNAMES: The Toffees. Supposedly it has to do with this lady here:

which is upheld with a lady walking around the pitch pre-game and tossing out Everton mints. Yay free stuff.
FAMOUS PLAYERS: Tim Howard, Gareth Barry, Tim Howard...

KNOWN FOR: Everton helped form the original Football League meaning it's one of the oldest clubs in existence (along with Wolverhampton Wanderers, shameless mention aside) and have the record for most top league appearances - 110 seasons. Despite not being one of the Big Four, Everton is also considered the best defensive team in the EPL between Tim Howard and a rather solid defense. They also have a really rowdy rivalry with Liverpool and when they play together it's called the Merseyside Derby.


YOU SHOULD LIKE: Candy
YOU SHOULD HATE: Liverpool - just don't overdo it okay?

4) WEST HAM UNITED

NICKNAMES: The Irons, The Hammers, the Academy of Football, The Cockney Boys
FAMOUS PLAYERS: Michael Carrick, Joe Cole, Rio Ferdinand played here. As did Carlos Tevez.

KNOWN FOR: Before the EPL we know and love and despise with equal passion was a it is now West Ham was one of the big clubs with lots of wins to their names. Nowadays they tend to be mid/bottom tier or get relegated to come back again to remind people they still exist. They also had a lot of hooliganism back in the day and while you don't see it as often now (because EPL is a family sport natch), they still often get called "thuggish." There's a movie with Elijah Wood in it called 'Green Street' with it in it.
They also start out matches singing "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" and - blow bubbles. Lots of sparkly rainbow bubbles.


Tags: league: english premier league (epl), mod post
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