Jenny Jenkins (jenny_jenkins) wrote in ontd_football,
Jenny Jenkins

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Just another day in the life of Mario Balotelli. Escorts, Car-Crashes & His Coach Wants to Punch Him

Mario Balotelli Crashes His Famous Bentley, Admits to Visiting Rooney's Escort,
Mancini Wants To Punch Him, and The Daily Mirror Writes Up His 10 Lolziest Moments.

It's all over the news (take your pick of sources) But our favourite lolster is quite all right. He and his famous Bentley - in which he drove around Manchester last fall, slowing down to high-five fans - were involved in a crash. The only surprise is that it seems he's not to blame for the accident. Some idiot did an illegal U-turn.

A lady passenger has been taken to hospital for shock. It is unclear if she is Raffaella Fico.

It just so happens that his coach gave an interview today - hot on the heels of his pronouncement last week that he considered taking Mario off the pitch within 5 minutes of the game starting.

Mancini Speaks With The Daily Mirror: I would have punched him if I'd played with him 10 years ago.

Mourinho wanted to punch him too.

Balotelli’s antics have angered Mancini to such an extent the Manchester City boss said he would take a swing at him if they were team-mates.

Maverick forward Balotelli, who walked away unhurt from a car crash in Manchester city centre on Thursday, has become embroiled in numerous bust-ups with his City team-mates and Mancini said he can see why.

“I told Mario, ‘If you played with me 10 years ago I’d give to you every day maybe one punch in your head,’” said Mancini.

“His problem is concentration, but I work with him every day.

“I don’t speak with him every day - otherwise I would need a psychologist - but I speak with him because I don’t want him to lose his quality.

“Mario can be one of the top players in Europe. I don’t want him to lose his talent.”

Balotelli clashed with team-mate Aleksander Kolarov over who should take a free-kick in last Saturday’s 3-3 draw with Sunderland.

Mancini declared last week that he did not trust Balotelli, but said he would continue to stick by the talented but troubled 21-year-old...



The Confessions of Mario Balotelli: He Had An Encounter With Rooney's Escort.

Mario has also confessed to an encounter with Jennifer Thompson, the lady of the night who came to prominence when it was revealed Rooney had paid her and another escort to visit him in his hotel room. As an aside, Rooney had Sky Sports on the television and seemed rather shy - according to her post-event testimony. It's all over the news, so you can take your pick of sources!

Honestly Mario...that's dreadfully predictable by your standards!

Why indeed Mario. Why indeed.

In honour of Mario's car-crash and the confession, the Daily Mirror has listed, in descending order, our modern-day hero's most lolzy moments since arriving in Manchester.

They left a couple out - like his visiting a local college and asking to use the washroom (to the delight of the students!), or his walking around Manchester one afternoon accosting homeless people and handing out 50 pound notes, but most of them are there!

Mario Balotelli's Top Ten Insane Moments

(From The Daily Mirror)

10) Two weeks into his Manchester City career, we all knew something very special had arrived in England when we heard the tale of what happened when Balotelli crashed his Audi R8 near City's Carrington training ground. Police were quickly on the scene to breathalyse, question and search the young Italian. They were particularly keen to know why he had £5,000 in his back pocket, to which Balotelli replied in his halting English: "Because I am rich."

9) Balotelli failed to emerge for the second half of a Europa League game in freezing Kiev last season after suffering an allergic reaction to the grass. Some commentators sneered that he simply didn't fancy the minus-6 temperatures, but Balo did emerge at the airport with obvious swelling to his face, lips and tongue, as well as sores on his legs.

8) In March, Balotelli was fined a week's wages - just the £100,000, then - after being caught throwing darts at youth players from a training ground window. Luckily, he missed, suggesting he'd never win top prize on the revived TV show Bullseye. But then he's probably got a speedboat already.

7) Happily, something good has come from the unfortunate incidents listed above. It's the City chant which goes: "Oooh Balotelli, he's a striker, he's good at darts. An allergy to grass but when he plays he's f***ing class. He drives around in Moss Side with a wallet full of cash."

Cheerful fans pay homage to the Mario Balotelli phenomenon.

6) Mario's work in the FA Cup final against Stoke was exemplary, but he saved his best for the post-match TV interview. Asked if that had been his best game of the season, he replied with the words: "My whole season was shit. Can I say that?" Er, no.

5) Balotelli's slightly skewed sense of humour has given us great moments like his five-fingered hat, which recalled the rubber glove worn by the dastardly Feathers McGraw in The Wrong Trousers. There was also this lovely moment with Edin Dzeko...

4) If this bib-related confusion had happened to any other player, it would have been the No.1 highlight of their careers. With Mario, it's not even in the top three:

3) In October last year, Mario and 17-year-old brother Enock were arrested strolling through the grounds of a women's prison in Brescia, near Milan. Balo is said to have told police that curiosity got the better of him and "just fancied having a look".

2) How do you prepare for a Manchester derby? There's the early-to-bed route and then there's Mario's own sweet way. On Saturday morning, less than 36 hours away from his superb two-goal performance in what has become known as the 0161 6-1, Mario was being pulled away from his mansion by the fire brigade after an attempt to let off fireworks in his bathroom - as you do - went awry. So badly awry that Mario had to live in a hotel until the damage is repaired.

1) What could possibly top all that? The unconfirmed story that Mario's mum, after consultations with his new cleaner, sent her lad off to John Lewis to buy a list of supplies including an iron, a mop and a Hoover. A few hours later, Mario's car pulled up with a van behind - which promptly unloaded a giant trampoline, two Vespa scooters and no cleaning products whatsoever...

Tags: lol, mario balotelli

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