Emma (crouchea) wrote in ontd_football,

For you, there’ll be no crying.

I was wondering, what were all your favourite footballing anecdotes/lol-stories of lulzy things that have happened to them? here are a smattering off the top of my head, some famous, some lesser-known.

A couple of Bung's:---

I <3 The Three Points
After scoring in the last minutes of the game to secure Chelsea an aggregate 3-2 win over Valencia to secure them a place in the CL semi-final, Essien was asked how he felt. "I'm delighted we got the three points", he replied, which must have been auto-drilled into him, because as you know, in CL knockout stages, there is no point scheme, you're in or out, lol. However, it's very possible that he'd been learning from Wayne Bridge, who, two months ago, deputising for Ashley Cole in the Carling Cup final against Arsenal, also said similar things in the post-match fallout (which Chelsea won). "The important thing is we got the three points," he said happily. Hmmm. Bridge and Essien, so euphoric, probably forgot how to talk properly.

Ivan the Terrible
Ivan Campo, one time Bolton defensive midfielder, was filling out his tax returns or something, when they wrote back, saying that they needed a photo to go along with the tax returns. Campo had recently scored that weekend and was on the backpages of several papers, so in a somewhat ~don’t you know who I am~-ish but also fairly banterous move, he cut out that clipping of him and sent that to them.

Getting arsey
On the back of his getting sent off against Argentina in the 1998 World Cup, David Beckham was feeling the brunt of a lot of fans’ anger in football stadiums. I don’t think I need to tell you that the footballers’ wives/girlfriends are often an easy target, and obviously, his missus being Posh Spice herself, he was open to fire. The popular chant amongst fans around that time was “does she take it up the arse?” and the like. Beckham took most of them on the chin, but one day he must have gotten tired of the pointless singing because legend has it that he faced the crowd where said chants were coming from and he gave the faintest of nods and winks, lol! So there’s one of the biggest footballing questions ever answered; yes, yes she does. :p

When Jamie met Roman
Jamie Redknapp is a Sky Sports pundit and M&S model (lol), as well as Frank Lampard’s cousin, and all that goes with that, such as being BFFs with John Terry and ergo one of the most photogenic guests at his sham of a wedding. In “A League of their Own”, a Sky-run, banter-led sports-themed quiz show presented by that arrogant knob James Corden, Twitcher’s son is one of the team captains and such is the style of the show that talking about yourself on it’s kind of a requisite. So Jamie talked about how he once met Lampard and Terry's club's owner Roman Abramovich when they were both on holiday, was invited onto one of the Russian’s many yachts and then Abramovich asked him which players he’d recommend he buy on Football Manager, lol! Also noteworthy because when Jamie was telling this story, he actually used “literally” correct, for the first time in his life.

Fanboy Supernova
Leighton Baines, Everton’s talismanic left-back, writes a blog for the Toffees’ website on music and is a self-confessed music nut, so it’s appropriate that one of the many chant sung by Evertonians about him is “Leighton Baines, you probably think this song is about you”, influenced by the Carly Simon classic (although the song, being called “You’re so vain” is ironic because Baines is probably one of the least vain footballers around – in fact, I would implore him to spend some of his moolah on sorting his hair out, lol). Anyway, for all his dubious taste in haircuts, his music taste is second to none, listing the likes of Bob Dylan, The Beatles (pretty much a must for a Scouser, tbqh), Arctic Monkeys and Oasis as his favourites. One day, after an Oasis concert, he got the chance to meet his idol Noel Gallagher, and stood outside his dressing room until Gallagher came out, by which the sight of him had left footballer a little star-struck, so much so that he ran away. Very, very cute to know that even professional footballers get their moments of “lost little boy”-ness, and Baines certainly didn’t run away last Saturday, when it was called upon him to score a penalty, which he dispatched neatly.

License to thrill
I don’t know what their driving licenses are like in Croatia, but Luka Modric was involved in a gigantic lol-tale which highlights that whilst he may be one of the best readers of the game, common sense, he could probably do with some. I’mma bung the “Team-mates” video in which I first heard about it, because Jermaine Jenas tells it with actions and thus, much better than I could. [0:52 to 1:29] 
OIC I can't embed. Blehhh. Here you are.   

Fast and hard
Reporter (to Gordon Strachan walking passed him) : "Gordon, can i have a quick word?"
Strachan (while continuing to walk) : "Velocity"
[Stachan walks on]

Mr Nice
It’s commonly accepted that Gianfranco Zola is one of the nicest men in football, and this adorable story illustrates such; one boy, a big Chelsea fan, bunked off school to go lurk outside Zola’s house. He wasn’t in, but his wife was and she invited him in, made him tea and even let him have a tinkle on the family piano, where they duetted for a while. When Zola came home, the boy got to fare in a little kickaround with his hero, before leaving with an armful of Chelsea swag. In a world where footballers are constantly in a hurry and barely have time to even sign a program for their fans, it’s lush to remember that there was a man who fully acknowledged football fans and their importance to the game.  That day, Zola helped that little boy make his dreams come true.

Bibs: 2, Mario Balotelli: 0 

Edin Dzeko pokes fun at Balotelli days later with his own little impression here  
Lol ^___~

(by the way this footage is from Stamford Bridge, just before the Chelsea vs City game, and you can hear Redknapp in the background near the end of the video going off on a Balotelli rant, saying he’s a disgrace, etc especially when you consider the amount of money spent on him. Then asked to comment on Torres and he basically said “Torres needs not to worry about the amount of money spent on him, it’s hard for him, settling in.” Oh Jamie, you kill me.)

Anyway, this was also just an excuse to post this adorable Dzekotelli photo:-

With the emergence of footballers on twitter, footballers bantering with each other over twitter is quite a prominent one too. Obvs there's tonnes more, so do share!
Tags: bungsten burner, club: bolton, club: chelsea, club: everton, club: manchester city, club: manchester united, club: tottenham hotspur, david beckham, epic, i can't think of a fucking tag, if the footie career doesn't work out..., league: english premier league (epl), lol, lol europeans, not a fucking footballer, roman abramovich, sexo, video, was a fucking footballer, what kind of fuckery...

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