Sha (laacrima) wrote in ontd_football,

is this what it has come down to


Fernando's Goat-to-Goal

Fernando Torres is resorting to desperate measures in order to break his Chelsea duck - and he wants Blues fans to help him achieve his goal.

The Spanish hitman has fired blanks in each of the six games he's appeared in since Chelsea paid Liverpool a record-breaking £50m for his services back in January.

And with the once-prolific forward's form and character now being called into question, Torres is turning to the traditions of his homeland in order to solve the crisis.

At precisely one minute to midday today, he will carry out an ancient Iberian curse-breaking rite called the 'Dia de los Inocentes' at Stamford Bridge.

The procedure will start off with Torres leading a goat - taken from a herd in his hometown of Fuenlabrada and flown to the UK specially earlier this week - around the pitch.

The well-fed animal will then be encouraged to defecate in each of the goal-mouths so as to ward off any malicious spirits that might be blocking Torres' shots.

After a brief visit to the Chelsea trophy room for luck, Torres will then 'run' the goat through the Chelsea Village complex before closing the ceremony by ritually launching the animal from the roof of St Mary's Roman Catholic Church in Cadogan Street, SW3.

As per Spanish tradition, the 'Dia de los Inocentes' may only be performed on the first day of the fourth month of the year.

It also demands that at least 12 people take part in the 'running of the goat', which is why Torres has appealed to Chelsea's fan-base for help.

The first dozen to turn up at Stamford Bridge on Friday April 1 before midday will not only be able to take part in this historic event, but will also be able to take home choice cuts of goat meat afterwards.

A spokesman for the striker said that Torres was confident the goals will start flowing following the ceremony:

"He first performed it in 2001, shortly before his Atletico Madrid career took off, and he's hoping for similarly spectacular results this time round," he said.

Seems legit
Tags: club: chelsea, fernando torres, homo neanderthalensis, huh huh huh, lol, oh god please no, oic, shaking and crying, ugh, what kind of fuckery..., whut da silva?!?!

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