Baby Bing Bing Bong (naketano) wrote in ontd_football,
Baby Bing Bing Bong
naketano
ontd_football

STU THE ELF DELIVERS AN XMAS PRESENT!

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THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS: A MAN UNITED REMIX
BY NAKETANTA CLAUS, OF COURSE

DEDICATED TO lovelyeli AND ALL THE MANCS AT _FB
 




'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,  AND ALL THROUGH THE PITCH
NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING, NOT EVEN VIDIC;
THE BOOTS WERE HUNG UP BY THE LOCKERS WITH CARE,
IN HOPES BY THE NEXT MATCH THAT THEY'D STILL BE THERE;
THE MANCS WERE ALL HOME SNUG IN THEIR BEDS,
WHILE VISIONS ON THRASHING SCOUSERS DANCED IN THEIR HEADS;
WITH ELI IN HER NIGHTGOWN, AND I IN MY CAP,
WE TALKED OF HOW BERBATOV MADE US WANT TO FAP,
WHEN OUT ON THE PITCH AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
WE SPRANG FROM OUR SKYBOX TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
AWAY TO THE FIELD WE RAN AS FAST AS WE COULD,
NEVER STOPPING TO THINK IF WE REALLY SHOULD.
THE MOON ON THE STANDS AND THE FIELD ALL A GLOW
GAVE PROMISE THAT THE MANCS WOULD WIN TOMORROW
WHEN, WHAT TO OUR WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR,
BUT A GIANT AIRPLANE, FILLED WITH  UNITED GEAR,
A TEAM OF FOOTBALLERS, AND THE TROPHIES THEY WON
I KNEW IN A MOMENT IT WAS SIR ALEX FERGUSON.
MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES HIS PLAYERS THEY CAME,
HE WHISTLED, AND SHOUTED, AND CALLED THEM BY NAME;
"NOW, ROONEY! NOW, NANI! NOW, CHICHA! AND BERBA!
ON, CARRICK! ON, VIDIC! ON, JI-SUNG! AND EVRA!
TO THE TOP OF THE PITCH! TAKE CONTROL OF THE BALL!
NOW DASH! DASH AWAY! ONLY NANI WILL FALL!
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IN FRONT OF OUR EYES,
THE STANDS FILLED WITH PEOPLE, SO LOUD WERE THEIR CRIES!
THEY CHANTED AND SANG, "GIVE US ONE GOAL! GIVE US TWO!"
SO MANCHESTER UNITED KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO.
AND ONTO THE PITCH, WHAT DID WE SEE?
A TEAM MAGICALLY APPEARED, IT WAS CHELSEA FC.
AS WE STOOD IN THE CROWD WAITING FOR THE MATCH TO BEGIN,
WE SANG WITH THE FANS HOW CHELSEA WOULDN'T WIN.
WITH A BLOW OF A WHISTLE THE TEAMS STARTED TO PLAY,
WE KNEW THIS WOULD BE A MAGICAL DAY.
THE PASSING WAS FLAWLESS, THE STRIKING WAS SWIFT,
THEN BERBATOV SCORED,  WHAT A CHRISTMAS GIFT!
AS THE MINUTES MOVED ON, BERBA SCORED AGAIN AND AGAIN!
"HAT TRICK FOR BERBA!" THE FANS DID EXCLAIM.
NOW THE SCORE WAS THREE-NIL, CHELSEA LOOKED BEATEN DOWN
WHEN THEN ELI SAID, "FUCK,  I'M STILL IN MY NIGHT GOWN!"
SO AT HALF TIME WE HEADED DOWN TO THE STORES,
WE BOUGHT MATCHING JERSEYS AND TALKED OF THE SCORE.
"CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! "  I STARTED TO SCREAM,
"IT REALLY IS LIKE WE ARE LIVING A DREAM!"
WE RETURNED TO OUR SEATS WHEN HALF TIME BEGAN,
AND THROUGHOUT THE PITCH ALL THE PLAYERS RAN.
THE TIME FLEW BY, ONLY ONE MORE GOAL TO COME,
A HEADER BY CHICHA CHRIST, GOD'S ONLY SON.
THE CROWD WAS SO LOUD, WHAT A PERFECT CHRISTMAS WE HAD
UNITED WAS OUR TEAM, IN RED THEY WERE CLAD.
FERGIE CAME OUT TO SHARE SOMETHING HE WANTED TO SAY
HE THANKED ALL THE FANS, INCLUDING AROOJ AND MELJ ;)
IT WAS TIME FOR MAN UNITED TO TAKE THEIR LEAVE
THEY BOARDED THEIR PLANE ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE
AND LAYING HIS FINGER ASIDE OF HIS NOSE,
GIVING THE PILOT A NOD, IN THE AIRPLANE THEY ROSE;
HE SPRANG TO THE WINDOW, LOOKING AT ELI AND I,
AND AWAY THEY ALL FLEW INTO THE NIGHT SKY.
BUT I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM, AS THEY FLEW OUT OF SIGHT,
GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!!!!!!!





DEAR MODS,
IF THIS ISN'T ALLOWED, BY ALL MEANS DELETE.
I WON'T BE BUTTHURT, I WON'T FEEL DEFEAT.
I WON'T BE MAD, FOR RIGHT NOW I'M JOLLY
I'M DECKING THESE HALLS WITH XMAS HOLLY
CHRISTMAS IS SO SOON, WITH ONE WEEK TO GO
NOW I HOPE WE DON'T LOSE ANY MORE GAMES TO SNOW!!!!!


<3


Tags: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, club: manchester united, epic, i actually need the toilet, mmmmmmmmm, pornography, prayer, xxxmas
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