Not Quite Subreality Yet (subdereality) wrote in ontd_football,
Not Quite Subreality Yet

The Butthurt War: England vs Germany

Epic match coming our way.

Will we see epic football on the pitch at 3pm GMT tomorrow? We can only wait and see. There is one thing definite: the epic battle between English and German media has already begun, albeit more on the English side, since we know that we're still butthurt over World Cup 1990.

As mentioned in a previous comment, I predicted that the British tabloids would:
(1) recap how glorious England was when England defeated Germany in World Cup 1966 finals, specifically the Wembley Goal / Wembley-Tor.
(2) make a mention of how awful Germany was during WWII.
(3) talk about how butthurt the whole nation was when Germany defeated England in the past 20 years, specifically in World Cup 1990.
(4) throw in Maradona's Hand of God for good measure, eventhough Argentina had no butthurt incidents with Germany.

So, have all those predictions materialised? Let's start with

Complete with photos, we have a breakdown of how the butthurt began. NGL, I lol-ed when this tabloid in question got the year when England won the World Cup WRONG. It's 1966. Even a kindergarten child knows that.

So, let's do it in chronological order. It all started when England won the World Cup in 1966. Apparently, the Wembley Goal is English football at its finest.

Look at that: ALWAYS recap World Cup 1966, even though it happened nearly half a century ago.

When the news broke that there is gonna be an epic match between Germany and England this Sunday, the tabloids worked overtime to come up with puns and amazing headlines to go along.

Of course, the German greats would come out of the woodwork to comment on the upcoming epic match. And of course, the English tabloids wasted no time when it comes to twisting their words out of context to suit their purposes of reminding their fellow countrymen of where their loyalties lie. Like in Hollywood movies, Ze Germans are always the villains.

Then, let the name-calling begin! This is my favourite one: The Germ Warfare.

No war jokes would be complete without accusations of ~espionage~. Spy in question? Michael Ballack.

OH SNAP! The English press got TOLD OFF by Joachim Loew!

Another attempt to get a rise out of the Germans.

Somehow, Philipp Lahm and Wayne Rooney were forced into a fake fight. I love that cartoon of Shrek!Rooney.

Of course, we would have the German butthurt response to the English media headlines.

Any of our bb's here would like to translate the German headlines for us? Please? I don't want to miss any of the epic headlines, whichever language they may be in.

Finally, IN CASE England loses, the tabloids have found a way to soothe the butthurt even before the match started.

When it comes to media butthurt, looks like I'm better than that octopus which predicted how well Germany would do. So, where are our German bb's, startupcrash and mrs_obsessive? We need some BILD headlines.

/fake butthurt.

ETA 1: mrs_obsessive is busting out the BILD headlines!
ETA 2: Mods, may we get a 'butthurt' tag please? :)

Source: The British tabloids. You know which ones they are.
Tags: "u r a rubbish footballer"..."u r ugly", butthurt ahoy!, michael ballack, nt: england, nt: germany, what kind of fuckery..., world cup 2010

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