I don't want to get anybody in trouble or anything, and I cannot reveal my sources, but did anyone see Bastian Schweinsteiger last summer? Cos this "Phillip Aubrey" gay porn actor guy (Most boring porn pseudonym ever, Bastian?) looks a whole lot like him. I'm just sayin.
The Alleged Phillip Aubrey: "Oh, yeah, do it to me, faceless porn costar."
Schweini: "STOP IT, THAT GUY LOOKS NOTHING ... Whoa, wait. He really does, actually."
TAPA: "Don't bother me, I'm being paid to pretend what I'm watching is really hot."
S: "I mean, damn. Maybe I do have a secret porn career, Imma have to check with my lady."
TAPA: "Well hello there, footballing identical twin. How you doin'?"
S: "Meantime, could I maybe get a copy of that video? You know, for research purposes? Or whatever?"