MANNSCHAFT TRAINING: DAY ONE
. . .Yeah, that pretty much summarizes it. And by it, I mean the AstroTurf that you can clearly see there.
Natuerlich, there was a press conference. Michael Ballack was tired of looking fairly good for his age, and decided to do a look from ten years ago (which by the transitive property would make him look ten years younger).
Evidently, this logic does not always work.
Here is Micha's counterpart.
The two of them together could clean out the hair products section of the local pharmacy.
In case the football career fails/doesn't go so swell for Micha (oh wait), he's already got his daytime job lined up.
The next Dr. Phil?
Probably just as qualified.
Natuerlich, Micha decided to talk about something far more profound. . .
. . .the Astroturf!
And here bismarcksotto summarizes the entire press conference for us (her best Michael Ballack impersonation to date):
"No, the Astroturf is not worrying us at all, we've spent the last days test 25 pairs of shoes for the Astroturf, everyone sleeps with a piece of Astroturf under his bed and the Astroturf therefore is the last thing that's on our minds. Er, we, er are looking forward to the match and hope to win it. Natuerlich.". . .
Soon after he revealed his Christmas gift early for Mom with the help of the Mannschaft elf:
"Look sweetie, a brand new substitutes bench -- just for you!"
"Now with improved technology to keep your delicate rear end warm on those long winter nights."
Looks like Jogi on the left may be inclined to disagree.
And thus the talk show moved to the. . .substitutes bench.
There was clearly just as much to say about the benches, as there was the Astroturf.
Certainly a fascinating subject, just look at those attention spans!
"Jogibear, I haven't seen that last incompetent defender 'round these parts. What's his name -- Tasci, I think."
"Funny story der Michael. . .apparently no one was there to call him or Khedira up."
"Hahaaahaaaa, good one!"
"I wasn't joking."
Micha is immediately sobered when he realizes he may run out of blood pressure medication before international duty is over.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, Boateng asks for pocket change as they run around in circles.
And to the ducking and eaglet's horror, they soon realized they would be training with the drowned rat.
Who in his time off from the Mannschaft has been working on his side project --
Unfortunately, Wiese's work of genius has been overshadowed by Sonic the Hedgehog.
. . .
. . .And Micha grimaces/gives the stinkeye because it's just not natuerlich.
Miro and Piotr play a game of charades.
My guess is putting on deodorant or swimming.
The game of charades continues, because I can't even begin to imagine what sort of stretch that is.
A modified cat flow?
Rene perfects his technique from hiding from the paparazzi.
Take note Lady GaGa.
Apparently, Micha and Rene really did use up all the gel. This had detrimental psychological effects on their teammates a la Mario Gomez.
Poldi, reminded of his Silesian roots and the upcoming opponent, volunteered to practice goose-stepping.
I find that when he does not shave he ends up looking a bit like a silver back gorilla.
See what I mean?
So I just disrupted the chronological order of the pictures to prove a point.
If it wasn't made obvious by now the only player that plays for the German national team is Michael Ballack.
According to DayLife.